Avoid tug-of-war "Link to blog post
This is called ‘dropping the rope.’ Our relationship with the child is the most important thing in this situation.
Imagine that conversation again: you ask your child to put their shoes away. You’re picking up one end of a thick tug-of-war rope. Your child says ‘no.’ They’re picking up the other end of the rope. It might seem as though there is now no way out of this situation except to see who can pull hardest.
But what do we do instead to prevent our child from walking all over us and never helping out around the house and having our in-laws think we are terrible parents?
Model Graciousness - What would you do if your friend spilt their drink at your house?
I got down on her level and said, gently and kindly: “Do you remember a few minutes ago I asked for your help putting shoes away? You didn’t want to help me, and now you’re asking me for my help. When you help me it makes me WANT to help you. When you don’t help me, it makes me feel like I don’t want to help you. I’m going to help you now, and tomorrow I’d really appreciate your help with the shoes.”
Model Graciousness Link to Article
“What do I do when they simply refuse to do what I am asking them to do?”
The question looks a lot more like:“What do I do when I’m not in control?”
Children do not learn from what we say. They don’t even learn from what we do. They learn from who we are. And they’re always watching.
That’s why I choose to model graciousness.
